i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
