Please, let me fuck your mom
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
