what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
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Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I believe in your delicious
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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