i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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