They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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