yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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