So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize