I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Fuck appropriateness.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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