You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
