I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
