My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
