Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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