Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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