i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
