A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
