why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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