sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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