I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
This baby is an asshole
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
