then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
