Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
