Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
