In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
