A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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