On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
too bad you live with your parents still
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
