So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
