Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
