Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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