Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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