You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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