Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What a dumb baby whore.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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