I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
