It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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