I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize