I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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