the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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