i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
