i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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