I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
