Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
