Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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