Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
