her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
