I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
do nipples grow back?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
