I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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