They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
