he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
