And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You're like the curious george of whores
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
