a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
