I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
