Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
