Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think I sprained my soul last night
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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