I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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