R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
