i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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