i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
