when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize