What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
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