i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
