their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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