my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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