Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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