He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
